she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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