This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
