new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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