i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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