Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
