He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
