I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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