I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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