the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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