guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
