Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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