We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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