I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
