jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
