you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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