I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
