he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
