YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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