it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
