You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
