it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
