Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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