you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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