woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
