is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
