Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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