dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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