You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
