I faked an abortion last night.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
