Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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