I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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