Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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