Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
