We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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