it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
