I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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