i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
