farters have to be the big spoon...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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