I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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