When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
