Ambien. No doubt about it.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
