kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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