You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
