No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
