Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
