In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
