I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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