Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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