if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
