I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
