Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
