I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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