I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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